Are You Out There, Billie?

Thursday, July 21-2011

Lucy was 6 weeks old.  I woke up, preparing to head up to camp with Jayne and the kids.  I had to some how manage to feed Lucy at just the right time so that we didn't have to stop too much.
I was sitting on the stairs, waiting on Jayne while rocking my infant in her car carrier.
A little after 10:30am, Jayne arrived and we loaded up and headed out.  Because I don't pay attention to directions unless I have too, I can't even tell you where or how to get to camp...I was just excited to see Justin and I know he was missing the kids.
Jayne and I chatted a bit, I gave Bram some black olives to snack on and shortly after, they came directly back up.
  
We pulled over at the next exit which happened to be a McDonalds and with the help of Jayne, we were able to get the vomit cleaned up, Bram cleaned up and some sodas for ourselves.  As we were pulling out Jayne mentioned that we hadn't prayed before our trip, so she said a short protective prayer over us and we jumped back on the interstate.
We passed the large Nestle quick bunny and I remember thinking that Bram would think that was cool if he had time to look over but I soon noticed that we were getting quite close to the car in the next lane.  I didn't want to seem bossy and critique her driving so I just glanced over at Jayne and she was having a seizure.
I started screaming at her, screaming her name, yelling for her to stop and wake up.  I knew there wasn't much time to get this under control and I had a short thought about how a crash would impact my kids and that maybe if Lucy was sleeping she wouldn't feel anything.
Time was ticking.
Mommy mode.
Save the kids.
Save my kids.
Save Jayne.
Save myself.

(harder to write than I thought after a year, my hands are shaking)  Get control Janna.

We were on a three lane interstate going between 60 and 70.  I unbuckled, stuck my head in between Jayne's leg and with one hand pressed the brake and the other handed guided the wheel over to the ditch.  I just kept waiting to feel the rumble strips to know that we were safe.

There they were.
Rumbling away.  Greatest sound ever.
As I came up, I realized Jayne was still seizing.  I ran out to the side of the road crying, jumping, and screaming for help.  You would be surprised at how many people drove on by.  And then came Billie and her husband.  They rolled down the window and I explained that something was wrong.  Billie's husband jumped out of the van and ran to Jayne's attention, with no hesitation and began caring for her.  I turned around and saw Bram's face looking back at me through the car window.  It was another image that will take a while to forget.  He was crying and terrified, I could tell he was mouthing "mommy".
Lucy, well she slept through the entire thing.
More people pulled over.
Asking questions.
I wondered how I was going to tell Brad that Jayne was dead, because I thought that was the reality in that moment.
Calling people.  No one answered.
Voice shaking.  Hands shaking.
Driving to the hospital.  Talking to Billie.
Neither Brad or Justin answer.
Kyle answers and gets Meg and kids ready to head that way..
Lori answers and says that she would leave work and come to the hospital.  Poor Lori spent hours with me panicking and probably still in shock, along with two kids.
My dad also came up and spent hours with me and the kids.

Jayne came to and I got to see her.  The doctor teared up and said "you don't know how lucky you both are."
Luck?  Nah.
Divine intervention? Yes.

Okay, so I don't know exactly how this goes but this is what I imagine.
The Lord in his heavenly throne that morning before I even wake up.  "Some of my children are going to need me today. I still need them here.  They have purpose.  Go."  And His heavenly angels descend from the heavenly throne and do the mighty work of God.   Not fluttering, but wings stretched high/strong/mighty and performing miracles in His name.

Changed the meaning of Savior for me that day.  Savior for my soul and that day my human life.

The past two months, I have been having more panic attacks while driving.  I feel like people are too close or swerving into me.  Bram mentions the accident anytime I hit the rumble strips.
The reminder is painful but the result is glorious.  I am SO grateful that my husband isn't a widow and visiting our grave-sites.  Morbid?  What was the alternative here?

Life or death.
Breath is a gift.  Protection is a gift.  Life is a gift.  So precious.

Thank you for giving me another year.  Another year to spend with my husband, watch my children grow,  and surround ourselves with people we love.
Wow.......thank you.

Yes, I still talk to Jayne :).  This took our relationship to a whole new loving level.  Her and Brad have been amazing friends and mentors in our lives.  I just told her that I wouldn't get in the car with her again...she understands that that comes from love.  Near or far, Brad and Jayne will always be a part of our lives.
Lastly, something that would be amazing in 2012 for myself personally.  To thank Billie.  I don't have a last name and I don't know where she lives.  With social media these days, I should be able to find her, right?  If you know of anyone named Billie who might briefly have talked about an incident like this that happened on July 21. 2011 on interstate 69, send her my way.  She meant more to me that day that she probably will ever know....unless I get to personally tell her.

"And if our God is for us, than who could ever stop us.  And if our God is with us, than what could stand against."