30 & Thriving

30 years down, 70 to go.

Am I where I pictured myself at 30?  

No.

There are milestones that I feel like a 30 year old with 2 1/2 kids would have reached by now, but we have a long life ahead of us so what's the rush and I wouldn't change the compromises we have made because we feel like the Lord is preparing us and patience produces integrity.

Much of my personality hasn't changed much since I was a child, I'm sure my parents could attest to that.  I used to stand in front of the television and do the weather for my parents using a candle stick for my microphone.  When Justin asked my dad to marry me, my dad reminded Justin that I was a college student who still put my papers on the refrigerator.  I appreciate affirmation and I see that in Lucy.  

Quite goofy and bossy (so I have been told).  Mom said that one day I was standing on a piece of furniture bossing my brothers and  parents around and mom stopped and said, "she is just standing there bossing us around and we are all doing it."  

It never took much for me to stop and put on a performance, a good commercial, impression, or just dressing up out of pure boredom.  Sadly, Justin now lives with this.    

I love to celebrate and that's why I love the Holiday season so much.  Lights, music, festivities, gatherings, Christmas movies, food, excitement.  Last year I came home in early November to find that Justin had put up the Christmas tree.  Bram loves to celebrate just as much as I do.  Whenever we go to Target, he asks if we can walk through the isles of (yes, already) Christmas lights.  I think it's important to slow down and allow him to find the beauty in simplicity.  

I love making memories with our family.  

I love how Lucy pulls up her stool in the bathroom while I am putting my make-up on and just watches me.  I remember watching my dad shave in the mornings so many times and how their bedroom and bathroom where rarely off limits.  Strangely, I found comfort in that.  I remember wondering one time if Justin thought it was strange that my entire family was sitting in my parents bedroom as like the "hang out" place.  We would joke that once a boyfriend or girlfriend saw my mom in her underwear that they were the one, which wasn't the truth because most of my boyfriends either surprised my mom in her undies or caught her running away...in her undies.  

As every year passes, I assume the goal is to understand myself better and work on things.

I am learning that sometimes it's better to not comment on things, even if my advice is being asked.  For the most part, when I have remained silent, I have done my best work.  (work in progress here)

When people are in pain, the voice of "reason" is not always the most effective.  

Give even when it doesn't seem needed.  For the past 6 months or so, I have felt convicted about giving to those asking for money.  Yes, I saw the 20/20 where they followed people who stood on the side of the road with signs and they actually were not  poor, but that is not my decision to make.  This week, I had 7 dollars in cash on me and there was a lady with a sign and I felt a nudging "give to the least of these" is what I heard.  So I thought, okay, I will give her $2 and I got a quick "no, give her the $5"...darn.  As Justin handed her the  money, she yanked it out of his is hand almost like we owed it to her and in the past I would have thought, what a waste of $5, but now I have learned that it is my job to be obedient not to judge or even worry about that.  The truth is, she is out there and I am not and regardless of where she is spending her money, it is my job to take care of those who need it.

I have learned to not judge other's parenting skills.  It's hard.  One is easier than two, two is easier than three and so on.  I don't believe that parents intentions are to screw up their kids.  In our minds, we are thinking of the things that we enjoyed while growing up and the things we would like to change and sorting that out with enough energy and patience in a snap of a finger is hard.  Some days I just have to pray, Lord be the parent that I cannot today.    

Most importantly, I have learned that prayer works.  Maybe not to be extent or timing but we will always be taken care of and provided for.

I am excited about all of the things that I will continue to grow in.  Two days before my birthday I journaled about a change of heart.  

Just a pure and kind heart, possibly my lifetime goal.
   

The past 6 1/2 years have definitely been my favorite.  Developing my relationship with the Lord, meeting and marrying Justin, finding Eagle church, becoming a part of the youth ministry team, trips to Thailand/Cambodia, meeting wonderful friends that love the Lord and me, and last but obviously not least,  the birth of my two (soon to be three) wonderful children with an instant love.

Now be prepared for picture overload!!   (seriously, so many pictures)