Change.

I haven't blogged since September.
I sat on the couch leaning back and could see the laptop sitting there on the landing...just far enough that I had to get up to reach it. I tried to do the mind trick where I told the laptop to come to me, but that didn't work.  It was basically calling my name, although my lazy self had to convince my body to actually stand up to get it.

It was a quiet moment...a short moment that I knew would fly by quickly.
As is life.

This May, we will hit yet another milestone in life.  Justin will be finishing school.....(for now, unfortunately for me, the guy loves to learn)...

June 30th we will celebrate 7 years of marriage.
7 years of a lot of laughter and dedication
plus
3 children that are so full of personality & deeply beautiful

The big 3.0. didn't seem to affect me much but for some reason, the thought of sending our oldest off to kindergarten has me feeling all sorts of old.
J and I knew going into 2014 that there were going to be some big changes in our lives.

We are in this odd/exciting season of transitions, decision making and remaining faithful.
Choosing to trust and allowing to let go of any worry or anxiety that comes with all the change.
Embracing what's next.
Loving the day that is-instead of desiring to love what it is to come.

4 more weeks until we say "bye-bye" to Justin's schooling.
2 months until our sweet first born daughter turns 3.
3 1/2 months until I lay with my head on the steering wheel crying as Bram walks into school. Initially, I pictured myself in the grass outside the school on my knees with one arm out and the other grasping my heart screaming "Noooooo...!"
(For the months leading up to, I will choose to be the creepy mom from the book "I love you forever" and I will sneak into his room while he sleeps and stare at his sweet face. I wonder if that mom ever creeped on her kid while he was in his kindergarten class, through the window?)

I will admit, sometimes I stare.
I sneak away from my desk at work and stare at Bram in preschool.  I love watching him interact with other kids, play, learn, etc. He is one of the sweetest kids I know.
I stare at Lucy's eyes, even when she isn't looking directly at me. They have a glisten that I have truly never seen in another human being.  I get taken aback by her every day.
I stare at Liza's chubby hands and feet.  I like to take my finger across her little hand and feet dimples.
She is growing so fast, watching her wobble around is the most fascinating thing.  Love. Love. Love.

It's too hard to stare at Justin....he's an adult and catches on quickly.
However, I have never known a man that loves me more.

I am clinging to the fact that the light at the end of the tunnel is blindingly bright.
Those detours, difficult decisions made years ago, frustrations, any financial strain, I believe has (and will continue to) given us this bold faith in God that we can't shake.


I gotta go get my shades now.