"Verhicle"

Sometimes writing in the midst of the unknown helps ensure clarity within myself.

So I am writing.
It's just a season, huh?  Which season is that again?

Yesterday J was having car trouble.  We are not strangers to car troubles.
I guess most people just take their cars in and pay for them to be fixed?
Simple.
Is that what they do?

We have never drove new or fancy cars or had the option to just take them into the mechanic when they started running poorly.
It used to bother me.
I felt like my stuff defined me.

It doesn't.
I know we are way cooler than our vehicles.

It obviously still bothers me when the vehicle refuses to run and that makes me nervous.  We need the cars we have to go to work, transport our children, do what normal Americans do to get around.

Back to yesterday.  When J called me sounding concerned, I felt a peace.  I knew something was wrong with that 1996 Subaru Legacy  (first time I have ever publicly announced that) and I could hear the worry in J's voice, but my anxiety was at rest.
I prayed.  I prayed for a super natural work to be down in the old car.
J spent five hours working on that car.  He had already worked a full day and it was finals week, but he took care of us.
Today the car began acting up again.  Not just acting up but it threw a fit.
It was towed away off of the interstate around 7:30 pm tonight.
What does this mean for my prayers?  That they aren't answered?  That it wasn't a big enough deal or issue?  That there are people starving and my car problem isn't on His to do list?

This is where my daily circumstances can either determine my emotions or because I have faith, my character remains strong.  It remains true to who I say I am and what I believe in.

Let me be very clear, my core is quite pissed.  It's easy for my mind to whirlwind into the financial things J and I have had to fight over the years and when that inner anger rushes in, it's easy to forget the blessings.

Today I called out.  I called out to my God.  I explained our situation, as if he wasn't aware, and at one point I was begging for a miracle.
A car miracle.  If I can pull a hollywood on it, we could call it a "verhicale" or "verhicle"?  No?
Fine.

The Lord has always provided for us, but that doesn't make the situations in the moment any easier but right now, the peace in my soul is there.

He is doing a work in me.  To me that means that he allowed this circumstance to occur because He wanted to strengthen me, build my character, pull the tar from my heart.
That's way cooler than a verhicle (sorry) at this point.  My heart is way more valuable to Him.
A few weeks ago, I was moaning about my finances and I felt Him say, "I would be more concerned about the condition of your heart than your finances."
Ouch.

I am going to go to bed with the unknown remaining to be the unknown.  I don't have an answer or a funny surprise story where the car walked home.
It's at the shop and we don't have control at this point, doesn't waiver my faith.

What do we have to lose to even whisper a prayer whether out of desperation, from the depths of our souls, from heartbreak, anger, abuse, confusion........................the unknown.
Really though, can it hurt?

Jehovah Jireh-The Lord Will Provide.