The Zit That Consumed My Week-Beauty in the Break

Type. Erase it. Type. Erase it.

Last week I had a zit that consumed my entire week.  When I looked in the mirror my eyes just fixed on it.  I would put my finger up to cover the spot and think "I wish this is what I looked like."  Throughout my days, I would check the mirror more often to make sure my concealer was doing the trick.  When I went to Target, I almost thought people were dodging it??  Is that possible?  In my mind, yes.  When having any kind of serious convo with Justin, I thought he wasn't taking me seriously because of my zit.  I even questioned it a few times.  Is this vain?  I think so.  It's probably only the surface of something more deeply rooted.

Never satisfied.  I can point out every flaw on myself faster than anything else...why?  It seems to be on the edge of my mind.  I constantly bother Justin about my outside appearance.  My excuse is always "I'm a girl, we are all insecure".  I then think if this statement is true or not. 

 Is it gender related? 

 Is it hereditary? 

 Do the most secure people go home and melt? 

 It's hard to hold up a front.  I see it on a daily basis...eventually a crack will appear and if you push hard enough that crack will grow and eventually break.  It's the beauty in the break.  

I have never been satisfied with my weight.  It's a daily surrender.  Like a lot of other things.  Please don't think problems or sin patterns disappear.  You are forgiven, redeemed and human.  Today I was praying that I would dodge the enemies arrows.  Have you ever seen an arrow fly from the bow?  Smooth, fast and unexpected.  It's naive to think you are exempt.  

I become discouraged with what the scale says.  Planning.  Calorie counting.  Disappointed.  

Unsatisfied.  

I sometimes feel like I have no real talent.  Planning.  Seeking.  

Unsatisfied.

I become annoyed at how ugly my car is.  How old am I?  Questioning.  Ungrateful.  

Unsatisfied.

Finances..ugh.   Stressed.  Rubbing my temples.  Frustrated.

Unsatisfied.

Look at those roots.  Not pretty. 

 Do you ever look at your heart, really look at your heart and think "Yuck, that is ugly.  If people only knew."  

You're not alone.  

What a relief it would be if people were who they really are, scars and all.  Ugliness and all.  What does Jesus say in Matthew?  That He came for the broken.  That's you.  That's me.  Perfection has never been required.  

Feeling broken?

  Feeling unworthy?  

This may not mean much but from me to you, it's okay.  We are meant to need Him.  We are meant to need healing, inside and out.  We are meant to thirst for something more outside of ourselves.  Whose to say we can't talk about our hardships.  The beauty in the break.  Relief.  

Breathe easier knowing you aren't alone tonight.