Remember when......

Today, Bram and I were laying on the ground outside looking at the sky.  I felt like I had to keep him occupied or he would leave me...and I desperately wanted to stay in that moment.  He remained content, resting on my arm in silence...looking at a blank sky.

Easy to let moments slip by, either because of stress, looking forward to the weekend/special events, etc.
 
I wish away so many moments.
Here's to giving those moments a second chance. 
I remember talking to my mother on the phone before Rebecca was born.
I remember walking down the old wooden stairs and picking baby Rebecca out of the bassinet and walking her up the stairs into my bed. I thought she was my little doll. (scary to some new parents, huh?)
I can remember my brother Garett kicking a hole in the wall in the kitchen while mom was gone and us trying to glue it back together and at the end, G ended up hanging a picture of lady in her bathing suit over the hole...in the kitchen.
I remember a crazy chicken chasing me around on the farm, that sucker ran fast.
I remember putting on a dress and running around in the grassy field pretending I was Belle from Beauty in the Beast.
I remember my mother's soft tone growing up.
I remember always feeling ugly in middle school and junior high.  I hated my reflection.
I remember choking my brother Kyle (sorry ky) and making him cry.
I remember screwing back an old table together and feeling so handy.  I was so proud of that table. 
I remember choking on a Werthers butterscotch at church and someone giving me warm water so that it would melt and come back up. 
I remember my mom questioning whether or not I had on eyeshadow (which I did not, I would like to add) while she was driving.  I told her no but she proceed to lick her thumb and scrub my eyelid.
I remember leaving on the hose in the yard and dad coming home....
I remember every time my dad says "I love you". 
I remember hours of laughter with high school girlfriends.
I remember my selfishness.
I remember the bad choices.
I remember the redemption.
I specifically remember those who were gracious and non-judgemental.
I remember when my brother Garett was sent off to Iraq and sitting at church on a Sunday morning, crying in my chair.
I remember meeting my sister-in-law Lori at (was it Rock Bottom, Lori?) to talk.  I called her with some issues and she jumped to the idea of meeting right then to talk.  It was such a special moment to me, that she cared about me that much.
I remember my wedding day.  The wedding was great, but I just wanted to be married to Justin.
I remember seeing a "positive" on the pregnancy test after only being married 9 months and then buying four more.
I remember people saying, "well, if this year was good...just wait until year two."  Thanks for that.  We still love each other unconditionally and I think he is the most handsome/loving guy.
I remember Bram's beautiful face.  Stunning, breath taking, angel baby.  
I remember how much he cried and how little he slept.  Life changer in every sense.
I remember how much joy he has and continues to bring us.
I remember Lucy's birth (only 9 months ago).  I remember her first cry and everyone saying "yes, it is a girl".  So emotional, lovely...what a blessing. Sharing that moment/birth with Becca and Lori just topped it off.
I remember being hurt by people's words.
I remember the wonderful walk we took this afternoon in the beautiful sun with the perfect breeze.

I remember this morning when Bram woke me up at 1am complaining of pain in his foot.  I opened my covers, signaling him to get in and he snuggled next to me.
I remember him waking up again at 4am complaining of the same pain.  I started wondering if I should take him to the ER.  Justin was getting ready for work and asked Bram to sit on his lap.  I heard Justin say, "We are going to pray for your foot.  Do you know that Jesus wants to heal your foot?  Do you believe that He can heal your foot."  And I heard Bram's little voice say, "Okay."

Okay.  What an awesome response in a time of pain...........in the midst of discomfort, a three year old can say "okay" to someone he may not be able to see right now.
 "Okay, Jesus."
After Justin left, I could hear Bram praying, "My foot, dear God..."
I felt proud as a mother in that moment. 
This morning, when it was actually time to wake up, he still said that the pain was there and asked me to kiss it.  I felt an ache in my heart because I knew my kiss couldn't heal, so before kissing it we prayed again over his foot.


Sometimes when Bram sits really close to me, I close my eyes and smell him...is that strange?  I think I am trying to take in that moment, realizing how quickly they grow.  Sometimes I examine Lucy's chubby fingers and toes and try and kiss them all so so many times.
Sometimes I snuggle into Justin, while he is sleeping and take a deep breath and feel like I can't get snuggled in enough.

We will never have today again.  Myself, my husband, my children...they will never be younger than they were today.  Don't wish away moments for something better.  Maybe the best is here, would you ever purposely wish away the best?

Breath in deep, the most simple moment...this moment.  Acknowledge life, health, family, friends & memories.