Bite My Tongue.

Proverbs 15:4
-The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life.

This verse has revisited my mind within the past few months several times.
 It's something I truly desire.  A voice that proclaims encouragement, laughter, kindness, joy, wisdom, sympathy and love.  Obviously, it is not something I have mastered and the chances of having a spotless tongue within this lifetime are slim.
We are relational people with different personalities, fears and opinions.  It is evident that people  are naturally going to be irritable and the thoughts that bounce from one brain cell to the next eventually just roll off our tongue.
It's a difficult balance.  Do I hold all my thoughts in?  Is it necessary to always sound my opinion?  Can I just let the other person be right?
Some days, I literally feel like I am drowning in my thoughts.  I have a few great people that I have surrounded myself with that I immediately turn to when I need a sounding board.
Sometimes my words are hurtful and ugly.
They listen.
Sometimes they are tearful and lonely.
They cry with me.
Sometimes they are joyful and full of laughter.
They laugh with me until we cry.

Because of my past and situations I have been in that were less than lovely, I have heard some ugly words come from people within the church.  Years of hurt built up because of ignorance and tongues that did not follow the Proverbs.  I still can remember hurtful words unfortunately that either I heard myself or heard from someone else.  This does not mean that the words they said were even untrue, just insensitive to moments where a young woman had more junk than she could carry.  I would never say that I would go back and do it the same, because with the mindset I have now, I couldn't live a life of outright sin.  Even within the midst of heavy sin and a stronghold that clung tight, the Lord was working on me.  He sent his angels from the heavenly throne to release me, I believe that.
Those moments did mold me into a woman that knows herself.

I know myself without Justin.
I am working on knowing myself without children.
Justin was able to marry a woman that was already perfectly put together...totally kidding here, lighten up.
One of the reasons that I fell in love with Justin was because he was so non-judgmental.  I understand I am kind of an acquired taste but he has always looked at my fallings as ministry opportunities and a better understanding of those hurting.
Just as I remember the hurtful words, I choose to cling to the encouraging words and people who were and have been loving and words that "brought healing."  Amen!
We have a small plant that I forget to water and with the heat it is quickly withering and the flowers have stopped blooming.  I picture that as the tongue (my tongue) that at times brings criticism and gossip.  There is also a lush tree that covers our patio.  This bad boy is huge with healthy leaves that sound like the ocean when a rush of wind catches them.  This tree has been given what is needed to flourish and survive.  That is a Proverbs 15:4 tongue.

                            I have to surround myself with tongues that bring life.
                           Don't let ignorant words shape the direction of your life.

"My strengthen in life is I am Yours."